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Photo from Red Wing Lodge by Tom Hendrickson |
To
Wait with Patience
Tom
Hendrickson
Past
Grand Master Grand Lodge of Minnesota
There are
many great and valuable lessons within Freemasonry that can be applied to our
everyday lives to improve our daily living and enrich our lives.
During
this pandemic, for us Freemasons, it is almost like déjà vu again, for we have
been living the very beginning of the Entered Apprentice degree, where the Master
of the Lodge directs the candidate to “wait with patience” in a sequestered
space. We are all like that candidate
who is sitting in the candidate room waiting for the pandemic to dwindle so we
may gather again.
I cannot
think of a timelier lesson to explore more closely during this time of chronic
uncertainty than patience. The past months of the COVID-19 pandemic have been a
very test of patience in the extreme. Living under self-quarantine has
disrupted the structure and rhythms of daily life, as well as the
predictability of our daily lives. All
those events, that as humans we crave, such as family holiday get togethers,
birthday celebrations, masonic events and gatherings have all been put on hold
until the virus is contained. We anxiously
wonder what the future may look like or what the new normal is going to
be. There are many similarities that can
be drawn between that Entered Apprentice and our lives today.
I have not
seen any masonic education about patience or waiting, so it must be assumed
that all masons possess this trait, which may be true, but by observing society
today, maybe this is a good time to give patience more thought and attention.
What is
patience? Official definitions vary, but I prefer the Cambridge Dictionary
definition: The ability to wait, or continue something despite difficulties, or
to suffer without complaining or being annoyed.
The
Cambridge Dictionary defines wait, “to allow time to go by, especially while
staying in one place without doing much, until someone comes, until something
that you are expecting happens or until you can do something”. If you don’t have one of those three goals in
mind at the start then it’s just indecision, procrastination, or you are
killing time.
The first
three degrees of the Blue Lodge contain lessons for us to build upon to be
master of ourselves. Patience is an exercise in self-control; you can say
patience is the neglected virtue, but patience is the foundational virtue that
supports the development of other great moral strengths such as wisdom and
courage. Patience is also needed before we take on our serious obligation of
learning to subdue our passions.
I
mentioned patience as a foundational virtue. What is a virtue? A virtue is a
behavior displaying high moral standards. So, does patience show a high moral
standard? You bet it does. Patience is essential to self-control.
We are not
born with patience. Patience is a learned skill that takes practice to master, but
it is a skill that is essential in our daily lives. Patience has been described
as like a muscle that needs to be exercised on a regular basis for it to be
effective. The more we exercise it, the stronger it becomes.
Having
patience means we can wait calmly in the face of frustrations, difficulties,
obstacles or struggles. This ability to
continue, despite adversity, is a skill all of us need on during our lives.
Whether stuck in a traffic jam, standing in a long line at the grocery store,
or even in lodge when the secretary reads the electric bill. We certainly have needed this skill during
the past year with the stress and uncertainty of the pandemic.
Patience
is a state of mind, where you deal with your thoughts and emotions, between the
experience and your reaction. To have patience, ultimately means dealing with
your own thoughts and emotions. Patience requires you to control your thoughts,
words and deeds.
Patience,
on the surface, appears to be passive, but it is an active and purposeful state.
Patience is a decision-making process that allows us to make better decisions.
Patience allows us to take a pause that allows us to gather our thoughts and manage
our feelings. Patience allows us to observe more intently, ask questions to
understand the situation more clearly, communicate better with a tempered
response, and most importantly, find peace in situations that are outside of
our control.
I would
guess that hardly a day goes exactly as we planned, free of any intrusions or without
any adjustments. Who plans to have a car accident on the way to work? Accepting
the fact that these intrusions or difficulties are part of normal life and exercising
calm will help us all be more patient. If we can work to accept and tolerate a
situation, without becoming upset or angry, that helps us manage our emotions
and choose what behavior that we wish to respond with. We cannot choose our feelings, for our
feelings just happen, but we can choose what behavior we wish to display.
Other
times, patience is needed for those daily hassles or obstacles that are beyond
our control. Like, when your boss tells you must work late but you must also
drive your kid to soccer practice, you walk to your car after lodge and
discover you have a flat tire, the air conditioner breaks down on the hottest
day of the summer, or your computer crashes and neither you, nor your teen age
kid, knows how to fix it.
A critical
time we need patience, is to overcome setbacks or hardships in life, like the
COVID-19 pandemic, experiencing a divorce, medical treatments such as cancer
treatment, or especially when we are helplessly waiting to see if those
treatments are working for a loved one, or coping with the death of a family
member. Patience for the long term is essential to life.
For parents’,
patience is an absolute necessity, during even the best of times. During this
global pandemic, life is more stressful with this forced togetherness and so
many unknowns. With working from home and the kids schooling from home, this can
result in a lot of clutter, noise, fear and confusion. We adults can become
irritated and feel like we are “losing It” or simply feel overwhelmed. We also
need to model patience for our children and help them cope with changing
situations.
When
needed, give yourself the “quiet time” to take a step back, take a breath, and
collect your thoughts before losing your patience. The entire household is in this
together so patience and understanding of each other are essential, as hard as
that can be some days.
Sometimes,
in what may be the most difficult challenge we face, we need to be patient with
ourselves.
In this fast-paced
chaotic world that we live in, it seems there is always the constant pressure
to do more with each minute of the day or that nagging voice in the back of our
minds is telling us to do more, and do it perfectly.
We make
notes in our phones at odd hours of the night. Our pockets are filled with
sticky notes and scraps of paper. Our to do list becomes a never-ending monster
that is never satisfied leaving us frustrated, restless and impatient. It can
become overwhelming and can lead to being highly self-critical of ourselves for
our self perceived failures. This may lead us to become angry and frustrated with
ourselves.
Again, as
with our loved ones, we just need to take a step back, and be patient with
ourselves first. To realize that we are
all human and no one is perfect. We all
do the best we can and be kind to yourself as well as to others.
Patience when
practiced, can calm our minds, preserve positive emotions, and it can guide us
to view life’s’ daily struggles in a better way. Developing the skill of
patience can help accepting life’s daily frustrations and can help us to not
lose our temper. There is no real point
in losing your temper over the things we cannot control.
The flip
side of patience is impatience.
Impatience usually happens when we refuse to accept a situation that we
have no control over, like getting stuck in traffic or a meeting being delayed
because someone is late.
Rebbetzin
Chana Heller in her article, Developing Patience: The Foundation for All
Relationships describes impatience like this.
“Impatience is a form of anger.
There is a continuum. On the one end we are impatient or slightly irritated and
then we start ramping it up to being annoyed, indignant, angry, exasperated,
furious, and finally totally enraged. In each case we are angry because our
will is not being done and we can’t tolerate the pain that causes us. It’s just
a matter of degree”.
(Heller, 2021, aish.com)
I have observed
so many impatient and angry individuals since the pandemic officially began. It made me stop and reflect, in general, on
why our society has become so impatient, and the importance of patience.
I believe that
one reason that has contributed to our society becoming more impatient can be
traced to technology and the internet.
The speed and amount of data available to all of us has led to a sense
of instant gratification. Today, we live
in a world, that because of technology, we can instantly connect with our
friends and loved ones in real time although they are thousands of miles away.
We can connect while canoeing the Boundary Water Canoe Area in Northern
Minnesota, climbing mountains in Colorado, or enjoying a cruise in the
Caribbean.
In this
modern high-tech era that we live in, where almost everything that we desire is
just a click away, technology had caused a cultural shift in our society and
has conditioned us to expect immediate answers 24/7 all at our fingertips. With
the click of a mouse, we can access information, download movies or entire
seasons of television shows, and order any kind of consumer merchandise. We
have come to expect information in a second, orders to be delivered within
hours or the same day, and the movies and entertainment to appear within
seconds. The problem that this high-tech era has fostered is the expectation of
instant gratification or instant solutions.
Expecting instant gratification for everything is counter to having
patience and can get in the way of us coping with problems or other things in
our lives that require more time or obtaining things that may require more time.
Do you want to have that serious discussion with your wife or just send an
angry tweet to her twitter account?
Certainly,
the pandemic caused added stress to everyday life, which can add to impatience.
For those fortunate to continue working remotely during the pandemic, there is
the stress of trying to find a reasonable line between work and home life. We may be working longer hours or find it
difficult to disconnect from work. Many
feel pressured to show increased productivity while working remotely, believing
if they do not, their job could be in jeopardy.
For those with children at home, there is added pressures of wearing
multiple hats throughout the day. We are
checking and responding to emails at all times of the day and sleeping with
cell phones to be always “available”.
Another
area where I observe impatience is while driving. Over the years, it seems that all streets and
highways have become more congested, making it more difficult to reach out
destinations or the potential for all of us to become more impatient while
driving. There appears to be a dramatic
increase in negative driver emotions leading to honked horns, rude hand
gestures, tailgating, aggressive driving and ultimately road rage. If ever there is a time exercise patience it
is while we are driving.
For
thousands of years theologians and philosophers have exalted the qualities of
patience and identified it as an important virtue and important component of
moral excellence.
There has
been quite a lot of scientific research conducted on patience and the researchers
have found that there are health benefits of being a patient individual.
Impatient people are often angry and stressed, resulting in stress related
illness such as hypertension and heart disease to name a few. Patient people
tend to, overall, have lower stress levels and fewer physical illnesses related
to stress. According to a 2007 study by Fuller Theological Seminary professor
Sarah A. Schnitker and UC Davis psychology professor Robert Emmons, patient
people enjoy better mental health, can cope better in stressful situations and
tend to experience less depression.
Patience
is a decision-making process that can allow us to make better decisions.
Patience allows us to take a pause, gather our thoughts and feelings, before
expressing ourselves. Patience allows us to temper our response, preserve
relationships with those we care about and interact with people more
pleasantly. Patient individuals are viewed more positively by their employers’
co-workers and by lodge brothers. Patience allows us to be approachable, to
learn, conquer a complex task, accomplish long term goals.
If you are
perceived as being impatient people may perceive you are impulsive,
insensitive, and even arrogant. Others may think you are a poor decision maker,
someone who takes short cuts and of being short tempered. At lodge, if you gain
a reputation of having poor people skills and being insensitive, you may find
yourself sitting alone or that your voice may not be heard as loud as you would
like.
In our
Masonic life, patience is a necessity. From our relationships with our Lodge
Brothers, learning our Ritual and its meaning, working on committees or
projects and especially while leading the Craft.
Patience
makes us better leaders and mentors. As Masonic Leaders we need to establish
relationships and work with our Brothers to develop their skills and
understanding of the craft. As leaders, we may need to spend extra time with
our Brothers to help them learn and them to develop that sense of belonging
with other Brothers. For the Masonic
tradition to continue there should be allowance for Brothers to develop and
grow while passing out knowledge to the next generation of leaders.
With the
vaccines being expanded to more individuals, this gives me hope that our lives
will be returning to normal soon. One of my friends, he wishes the isolation to
end because he had watched everything on Netflix. Another friend wishes to find
a different family to quarantine with.
Given the
prolonged period of self-isolation and uncertainty, it not unexpected that we
are growing tired or frustrated. I think I can say that we are all suffering a
bit from limited human contact and Zoom fatigue.
I think we
all look forward to the day when we can all return to our lodges and experience,
in person, the sound of the gavel, announcing our meeting is to begin. Although,
some of us may need a refresher on getting dressed, combing our hair (for those
that have hair) shave and wear a suit instead of sweatpants.
We just
need to be patient a bit longer.
For, like
the Entered Apprentice, we will find the door to our Lodge and enter, leaving
the darkness, anxieties and helplessness of the world behind for the light and
warmth of our Brotherhood.
For, we
have waited with Patience.