The Missing Master Mason
Engaging and Connecting with Your
Membership
This is a typical conversation that takes place between
Brothers in most Masonic Lodges.
Brother #1. Hey where is that new Master Mason, we
raised this year. Was it Spring or Fall?
Brother #2. Ya, I Dunno?
Brother #1. Nice guy, seemed like a real nice guy What
was his name?
Brother #2. I Dunno?
Brother #1, What about those two guys we raised last
year?
Brother #2. Ahhhh. I Dunno, they never came back either.
Sadly, it is all too common, that a new Member slowly
stops coming to Lodge, and eventually leaves totally unnoticed. What is even
sadder is most often the Lodge Secretary only notices only when he must do the
year-end report.
In the “real” world if someone is “absent” for a period
of time, a missing person’s report is made by family, or friends and a search
party may be sent out to search for them. Not so with Masons.
We continue with our business-as-usual thinking oh well, they never came back,
and they become the missing Master Masons.
For many of us, Freemasonry is a lifelong commitment.
For others, life’s difficulties can take precedence, such as their death in, a new job or a move and they need to leave the state. Others find it difficult to
attend regularly due to life’s commitments like children and their school and
sports schedules or perhaps a job with differing shifts. Whatever the reason,
we should stay connected with them, keep them up to date with what is happening
in the lodge and encourage them to attend when possible. The most important
thing is to stay connected.
The emphasis of this talk is new members and keeping
them engaged.
If a new member demits or does not pay their dues and is
dropped, it can be because they did not find value, either for their time or
their money, in what their Lodge was offering. Often, we find that they were
not “engaged” either by being involved or showing a real interest in Masonry. The
saddest reason, in my opinion, is they felt they did not belong. Often because
they did not connect with the other Lodge members and had not built
relationships.
Ouch…when I hear they did not belong, I can’t help but
think that the members of the Lodge failed. They failed to engage,
connect, create a sense of belonging or provide a valuable experience. I bet if
each of us thinks back to when we joined, we must have felt connected, a sense
of belonging, which exists to this day. If not, why would we be here tonight.
When we raise a new Master Mason, we should be thinking
about the future and preparing for a long-term relationship between the Lodge,
its members, and the new Master Mason. Think 50-year pin length of
relationship.
I believe, and think that you will agree, that 80% of
Freemasonry is about relationships. If you were to ask any roomful of Masons
for the biggest impact that Freemasonry has made in their lives, the first and
loudest answer usually is friendship. The friendships they have
made in Lodge, within their masonic circle of friends and new friendships made
through masonic activities.
Currently, our country is experiencing a loneliness
epidemic. In surveys, 54% of Americans say that no one knows them well. Men,
under age 30, are suffering, with one in four reporting having no close
personal relationships.
That is what new members are seeking. They are looking
for what they observe we have, a safe place to be recognized as a human being,
to be understood, to meet people from diverse backgrounds and opportunity to
create a circle of friends.
These men are contacting our Grand Lodge seeking
membership on an average of three to four a week. But, once they get raised
into a Lodge, we are finding that they are leaving as fast as they join.
Because we, the existing Masons, are failing to connect with them.
Oceans of ink and forests of paper have been used to
write about our membership issues. But is membership really so bewildering or
perplexing? We need to have a simple plan and then act on it.
Many Lodges have an investment plan and oversight of
their monetary funds. Lodges should also have an investment plan for their
membership, especially new members. A membership development plan.
Since we Masons believe that Freemasonry enhances and
strengthens the character of good men by providing opportunities for
fellowship, charity, and education, these are the focus of the plan that I am
proposing.
The execution of this plan is a two-part process and is
the responsibility of the Lodge leadership and every individual member. As a
Masonic Lodge we are a company of men who all each have a responsibility.
Here is what I propose:
Part One
The Lodge leadership should provide a meaningful well
thought out program, each month, which is meaningful to that particular Lodge.
I realize, that is a topic for another talk.
Part Two
Each member engages with and connects with all members
of the Lodge, but especially with the new members, through the long-lost art of
conversation.
I can imagine some of your thoughts right now. We spent
three months making him a Master Mason, that’s not enough connection. Now we
have to talk to them. YES, YES, and YES. If we want to keep new members,
there is a simple secret to keeping them, we must talk to them.
We must show an interest in them as individuals. We cannot let them stand in
the corner alone or eat alone. We must engage them and get to know them.
I feel like, over the last few years, we have forgotten
how to have a conversation and communicate. I think our isolation due to Covid,
working from home, and even politics may have had some influence in that. We
are also a culture today, where men are immersed in their phones and social
media, some from an incredibly young age, and learning how to have a
conversation has lost out. A prime example is watching a family at a
restaurant who are all so busy texting or checking their phones they are not
speaking to each other.
We humans are wired for connection. That has been shown
time and time again in health studies. Our relationships and connection with
people are just as important to our well-being and for our physical and mental
health, as exercise, sleep, and a healthy diet.
When we engage in conversation, we are making a human
connection, we are building a relationship, we are building trust and mutual
understanding. Over time, we come to feel comfortable and safe in sharing our
thoughts and feelings. Even small talk helps us to build trust and connection.
When we have a good conversation, we feel connected.
Here is some interesting science of how connected we can be. According to
Journalist and Pulitzer Prize winner author Charles Duhigg, during a conversion
the participants pupils dilate at the same rate, breathing rates will match
each other, and our brain waves and neuro activity will look similar. The
participants become synchronized.
After hearing that I think is easy to see how a good
conversation expands the heart, nourishes the mind, and refreshes the spirit.
It is thru these repeated conversations and connections
with members that the sense of belonging is created. With belonging comes a
sense of ownership. With a sense of ownership, we find that new Masons return
on a regular basis and become active in Lodge activities.
Creating deep fraternal bonds doesn’t happen overnight
but making those connections can happen each time a new Mason enters the Lodge.
As Freemasons we want to become a better man or in other
words to become the best version of ourselves. For those of us who are shy or
introverts there can be a little anxiety or dread about the concept of engaging
in meaningful dialog. The Lodge is the perfect place to practice your small
talk and conversational skills to gain your confidence, which can have great
benefits in many aspects of life.
Conversation is an art. The word art means that it is a
talent that is created with imagination and skill and can become a beautiful
thing. It’s a skill we can all perfect. In Lodge, you are among friends,
and that is what we want to convey to new Masons.
Every member of the Lodge should feel a responsibility
to get to know each member of the Lodge and they get to know you in
return. I think we assume that someone else will initiate introductions
or that the officers will take care of the new member. Often, the Master
and Officers are busy getting ready for the meeting or dealing with other
pending issues and we usually find the candidate standing alone or with another
candidate staring at the ceiling. I ask that we all engage and make those so
important connections.
As Freemasons we are known as Builders, and we have also
been referred to as Sons of Light. I propose you apply being the Son of Light
concept to our conversation techniques. We become illuminators, focusing our
light on the person we are talking to.
We can do that by making eye contact and giving the
other person our full attention. Yes, put your phone away while in Lodge.
Remember, paying attention to them is a moral act of kindness. Be an active
listener. Let them express their thoughts without interrupting. Wait for
natural pauses or clues before asking questions or sharing information about yourself.
Ask open ended questions that begin with how, why, or
what. These types of questions will solicit a longer more in-depth answer.
For example, why did you take up flying? What about flying do you like the most? How long is the process to get your license?
Also, share information about yourself. You may find you
have something in common to focus the conversation on. At the end of the
conversation, ask him who he hasn’t met yet and introduce him to those other
Brothers, and help get that conversation started.
One of the great benefits of being an Illuminator is
that the light you share with others, comes back around to you.
Remember, the ancient Masonic Rule, No one eats alone!
Invite the new member to join your Masonic buddies at your table or go sit next
to them if they are already seated. It’s another chance for more
brotherhood, and to keep the connection alive.
Don’t forget to engage those Brothers who don’t get to
attend Lodge regularly. Give them a call and get caught up with them on a
personal level. Tell them about what has been happening in Lodge or about
upcoming events. By doing this you are keeping the connection alive, even if
you cannot connect in person.
If you notice someone from Lodge is missing reach out to
see if everything is ok. A call or an email may be greatly appreciated. Ask how
he is? We cannot assume all is well nor that there is a crisis, but maybe he is
in the hospital or needs help with something. Even if everything is ok, he
knows that someone cared enough to call and check. That is what Brotherhood is
about.
I still laugh when I think how one of my Masonic
Mentors, decades ago, described our fraternity as the World’s Oldest and
Largest Men’s Support Group in the World.
Becoming a member of our fraternity is basically just a
checklist of procedures that is beautifully orchestrated. The new member pays
his dues, and he becomes a card-carrying member. But where he truly becomes a
Master Mason is within the Lodge by his interactions with his Lodge Brothers.
Where Iron sharpens Iron. Thru repeated conversations he develops that identity
and a sense of belonging.
We should not think of him as just a new member, but we
are admitting him as a new Brother into our Brotherhood. Every member should
find value in their membership. Each one of us must contribute to that success.
Freemasonry is a culture or a way of life for its
members. Each Lodge is a subculture of it. It is up to us to be supportive and
uplifting to each other.
After the meeting, while driving home, we want everyone to review the evening and think to himself, and hopefully:
I met a couple of nice guys tonight.
It was nice to get caught up with some old friends.
That was a nice dinner and a good meeting.
I’m glad I went, I found value in it, and I’m glad I belong to that Lodge.
I am glad I am a Freemason.
